the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
