omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
