no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
