i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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