Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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