ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
