oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Redeem this text for a blowjob
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
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