What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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