Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
