sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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