My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
