What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
