I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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