Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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