I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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