I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
