That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
