he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
