somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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