He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
