someone threw a dead crab at me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
