i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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