I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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