I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
