Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
