alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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