I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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