While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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