He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
