his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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