you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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