Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
