She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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