Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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