you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
