please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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