We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
