yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
