Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dignity is for republicans.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
