shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
