Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
