So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
