yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
