Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
