I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my shit smells like andre
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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