It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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