Apparently you make a good broom.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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