I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
