I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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