just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
