ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
